Tomorrow is a big day for our family. My niece Jessica (a.k.a. Binky) is getting married! She is marrying a boy I've come to love - someone I feel a kindred spirit with. They're a beautiful couple - physically and in their souls. They are joyous, fun, loving, and kind. I wish them joy on this special day - the same kind of joy they bring to all those who know them. And I wish them a LIFETIME full of joy and happiness.
Have a wonderul day Jess and Dan. Have a wonderful life. Know that I love you and will always be here, cheering you on and praying that you have a life of wonder and happiness. Continue to look at each other in the light of love and cherish your time together. Always remember why you took this step. Remember the new love of your first days together. Build on that. You are destined for all good things.
I love you both.
Aunt Wanda
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Making Time - Finding Balance
I know several people who make time for themselves. They exercise. They meet with friends. They put themselves first. And it all seems effortless. I was not born with that gene. I tend to do everything else first and give myself whatever time is left. There often isn't any time left for me. I struggle with finding the balance and time to do all that I want to do - to achieve and meet my deadlines and goals (most self imposed). I often find laziness at the core. I'm too tired. I don't have the energy. Excuses. A general disrespect for my own goals.
I often list the things I want to accomplish. The list goes on and on and never seems to end. And I don't complete all that I want to. I over-schedule, over-commit, spend too much time on things that don't matter and not enough on what does. Finding the "balance" often seems to evade me.
Because of this, I have decided to make a new list. A list of what really matters. A list of the goals that are most important to me. A list of secondary goals. What I fear, is that the list of what really matters will still be too large and will be unattainable. That there still won't be enough hours in the day to complete them all - to concentrate on what is most important. But how ridiculous is that? Why would I fear putting in order that which is most important to me? Wouldn't it be better to at least dig in and try rather than let fear paralyze any action at all?
A preliminary list of things that are important to me looks like this:
1) Health - figure out a method of eating that will sustain me while giving me optimum health and well being and will fit within my tight budget.
2) Continue to study my craft and become the best I can be. This includes time for continued self study in all aspects of my career and Reiki.
3) Meditate. Take the time to center myself. To give myself the quiet that I seek.
4) Spend time with God. This could be part of the meditation process. I struggle with this because my prayer time is full of thoughts and thanksgiving while meditation requires quieting of the mind. But does prayer equal meditation? Hmmmmm.
5) Foster my family. Give them the love and attention that they need.
6) Continue to organize my life.
7) Get enough sleep.
8) Exercise
9) Blog consistently. Through writing, I find that my thoughts and feelings take wing. I am energized, focused and reminded.
This is preliminary. There is so much more. What should rise to the top? What should fall away. It's all important to me. Maybe some of it should be - maybe some of it shouldn't be. Maybe I'm even more overwhelmed just looking at it. I think the important thing is to study it. I think that for me, the key is to decide where I want to be, prioritize, set the intention, and focus. I have to stop trying to be everything, all the time. That is my goal for this week. Get my goals in order. Give my intentions to the universe and soldier on. Stop wasting time and give my time the respect it deserves. Stop giving myself the scraps and respect myself enough to put myself at the top.
I often list the things I want to accomplish. The list goes on and on and never seems to end. And I don't complete all that I want to. I over-schedule, over-commit, spend too much time on things that don't matter and not enough on what does. Finding the "balance" often seems to evade me.
Because of this, I have decided to make a new list. A list of what really matters. A list of the goals that are most important to me. A list of secondary goals. What I fear, is that the list of what really matters will still be too large and will be unattainable. That there still won't be enough hours in the day to complete them all - to concentrate on what is most important. But how ridiculous is that? Why would I fear putting in order that which is most important to me? Wouldn't it be better to at least dig in and try rather than let fear paralyze any action at all?
A preliminary list of things that are important to me looks like this:
1) Health - figure out a method of eating that will sustain me while giving me optimum health and well being and will fit within my tight budget.
2) Continue to study my craft and become the best I can be. This includes time for continued self study in all aspects of my career and Reiki.
3) Meditate. Take the time to center myself. To give myself the quiet that I seek.
4) Spend time with God. This could be part of the meditation process. I struggle with this because my prayer time is full of thoughts and thanksgiving while meditation requires quieting of the mind. But does prayer equal meditation? Hmmmmm.
5) Foster my family. Give them the love and attention that they need.
6) Continue to organize my life.
7) Get enough sleep.
8) Exercise
9) Blog consistently. Through writing, I find that my thoughts and feelings take wing. I am energized, focused and reminded.
This is preliminary. There is so much more. What should rise to the top? What should fall away. It's all important to me. Maybe some of it should be - maybe some of it shouldn't be. Maybe I'm even more overwhelmed just looking at it. I think the important thing is to study it. I think that for me, the key is to decide where I want to be, prioritize, set the intention, and focus. I have to stop trying to be everything, all the time. That is my goal for this week. Get my goals in order. Give my intentions to the universe and soldier on. Stop wasting time and give my time the respect it deserves. Stop giving myself the scraps and respect myself enough to put myself at the top.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Coming Clean
Yesterday I wrote that I had been existing on autopilot. I haven't been able to tap into the reason for this. I am happy. So has that made me complacent? When you realize some of your dreams, do the others drop away and become less important? Do you fall into a sense of security and stop seeking more?
I haven't reached all of my goals. The majority of the weight is still here although a respectable amount has gone. I am exercising. I am in my dream job. I have a great marriage. The house still maintains some clutter but a good amount of it is gone. My "to do" list remains a mile long. With all of that, how could I lose focus. It's not that I am not working towards the goals, it's just the loss of the hunger to succeed. A certain laziness has crept in. I lost focus.
Just writing the words yesterday that I'd lost focus has actually caused the focus to return! Maybe I just needed to put it out there - to stop hiding it inside and ruminating on it silently. Maybe it was just saying it out loud (or in my case, writing it out loud). Maybe all I had to do was face the fact that it was happening, put it out there, and admit that something was missing. That somehow the hunger had waned.
No more. I'm back! Another stumble but not a fall. And a new drive, a new sense of calm that I will finish what I've started. I won't fail.
I haven't reached all of my goals. The majority of the weight is still here although a respectable amount has gone. I am exercising. I am in my dream job. I have a great marriage. The house still maintains some clutter but a good amount of it is gone. My "to do" list remains a mile long. With all of that, how could I lose focus. It's not that I am not working towards the goals, it's just the loss of the hunger to succeed. A certain laziness has crept in. I lost focus.
Just writing the words yesterday that I'd lost focus has actually caused the focus to return! Maybe I just needed to put it out there - to stop hiding it inside and ruminating on it silently. Maybe it was just saying it out loud (or in my case, writing it out loud). Maybe all I had to do was face the fact that it was happening, put it out there, and admit that something was missing. That somehow the hunger had waned.
No more. I'm back! Another stumble but not a fall. And a new drive, a new sense of calm that I will finish what I've started. I won't fail.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Finding My Center Again
I have been lazy, distracted, uninspired. I get up. I exercise. I surf the net. I visit my favorite blogs. I clean the house. I get ready for work. I go to work. I come home. I sleep. Rinse. Repeat.
I have not been looking for inspiration lately. I have become complacent, happy where I am. Working towards goals, slowly achieving some. I have been building clientele. I have been losing weight. I have been exercising. But I'm running on autopilot. I seem to have lost my excitement lately. I don't know why. I don't like it.
So my new goal...find my passion again. Dig in. Find the excitement. Laugh more. Think more. Meditate. Self Reiki. Remember what moves me. Remember my journey. Stop existing. Start consciously living.
No. More. Autopilot.
I have not been looking for inspiration lately. I have become complacent, happy where I am. Working towards goals, slowly achieving some. I have been building clientele. I have been losing weight. I have been exercising. But I'm running on autopilot. I seem to have lost my excitement lately. I don't know why. I don't like it.
So my new goal...find my passion again. Dig in. Find the excitement. Laugh more. Think more. Meditate. Self Reiki. Remember what moves me. Remember my journey. Stop existing. Start consciously living.
No. More. Autopilot.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Why did I weep?
Music has always been important to me - since a very young age. When I exercise, I clip my tiny IPod Shuffle to my shirt and find energy in the songs I've chosen. I've mentioned one of them before.
Rewind to yesterday. I was out for my walk and was on my last lap when a song began to play. A song that I've always loved. A song I would sing at the top of my lungs if no one could hear (and do sometimes when I'm alone since I can't carry a tune to save my life.) The song usually energizes me but yesterday, it made me weep. Right there, on the track. The lyrics, the singer, the angst in her voice - it brought emotions to the surface.
Save me.
Save me from the nothing I've become.
I can't stop thinking about those lyrics. What despair did the author of that song feel when they wrote them? Have I felt them? Do I know someone who does feel that despair? And even worse, do I not recognize that despair and am I not there to help. What brings a person to the conclusion that they are "nothing". And can they be saved? Maybe I wept for times of my own despair. Maybe I wept for some unknown person feeling that despair Maybe I wept for anyone that ever feels like they are nothing. Nothing. Such a lonely, powerful word.
Rewind to yesterday. I was out for my walk and was on my last lap when a song began to play. A song that I've always loved. A song I would sing at the top of my lungs if no one could hear (and do sometimes when I'm alone since I can't carry a tune to save my life.) The song usually energizes me but yesterday, it made me weep. Right there, on the track. The lyrics, the singer, the angst in her voice - it brought emotions to the surface.
Save me.
Save me from the nothing I've become.
I can't stop thinking about those lyrics. What despair did the author of that song feel when they wrote them? Have I felt them? Do I know someone who does feel that despair? And even worse, do I not recognize that despair and am I not there to help. What brings a person to the conclusion that they are "nothing". And can they be saved? Maybe I wept for times of my own despair. Maybe I wept for some unknown person feeling that despair Maybe I wept for anyone that ever feels like they are nothing. Nothing. Such a lonely, powerful word.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Ultimate Compliments
There are things in life that make you take pause and realize that you DO make a difference. Things that make you realize that you are where you are supposed to be, doing what you're supposed to be doing, creating what you're destined to create. Those little moments in time that give you the boost to keep going, to keep learning, to keep trying, to keep giving. I've had some of those and they give me joy. I draw on those when the going gets tough and I wonder why I'm where I am, doing what I'm doing, being who I am, struggling with uncertainty. I'll give you examples.
1) The beautiful cards I receive on my birthday or mother's day that have notes written from my husband, my daughter (whose prose is epic), my son or my parents. Words they write in addition to the Hallmark sentiments that tell me that I am important to them. I read them over and over. I have them stashed in a drawer and sometimes I take them out and read them just to remember that they do see my love for them and they appreciate the little things.
2) A note from a former boss along with a gift card thanking me for the "joy" I bring to the workplace. Nothing more. I didn't do a special report. I didn't save the company money. I just shared my joy and he thanked me for that.
3) A client at work who has talked about me to her friends. A friend of hers is going through some tough times and will be visiting my client from out-of-town. My client wanted me to work on her friend but it was my day off. I agreed to come in to do the service. She cried and offered to pay me more for my time. No need. I am just so happy that someone thinks my healing is just what her friend needs. And yes, healing was the word she used. Wow.
4) My friend who calls me to talk about some problems she's having. At the end, she tells me that I am her greatest cheerleader and that she just needed that from me that day. She just needed to know that someone believed in her and she knew I was that person.
Four little examples of many. I know you have them too. Remember how great you are. What a good friend, mother, father, sister, brother, daughter or son. Remember those times when someone thought you brought something to their lives. Big or small, they all add up. You are great in your little corner of the world. You are important. You are loved and needed. How wonderful is that?
1) The beautiful cards I receive on my birthday or mother's day that have notes written from my husband, my daughter (whose prose is epic), my son or my parents. Words they write in addition to the Hallmark sentiments that tell me that I am important to them. I read them over and over. I have them stashed in a drawer and sometimes I take them out and read them just to remember that they do see my love for them and they appreciate the little things.
2) A note from a former boss along with a gift card thanking me for the "joy" I bring to the workplace. Nothing more. I didn't do a special report. I didn't save the company money. I just shared my joy and he thanked me for that.
3) A client at work who has talked about me to her friends. A friend of hers is going through some tough times and will be visiting my client from out-of-town. My client wanted me to work on her friend but it was my day off. I agreed to come in to do the service. She cried and offered to pay me more for my time. No need. I am just so happy that someone thinks my healing is just what her friend needs. And yes, healing was the word she used. Wow.
4) My friend who calls me to talk about some problems she's having. At the end, she tells me that I am her greatest cheerleader and that she just needed that from me that day. She just needed to know that someone believed in her and she knew I was that person.
Four little examples of many. I know you have them too. Remember how great you are. What a good friend, mother, father, sister, brother, daughter or son. Remember those times when someone thought you brought something to their lives. Big or small, they all add up. You are great in your little corner of the world. You are important. You are loved and needed. How wonderful is that?
Monday, June 16, 2014
Too Many to Count
So many blessings - too many to count.
It's been awhile since my last post. In that time, we've celebrated two major holidays - Mother's Day and Father's Day. Maybe these days were created by the greeting card companies like Hallmark, but to me, they are major. We should honor the mothers and fathers in our lives every day, but life gets in the way. We get busy, we forget to call. At least these holidays make us pause and remember those who've played such major roles in our lives. My mother and father are wonderful and I love them so much. I am so grateful for all they've given me - my very existence, my childhood memories, and love. And there's my in-laws, who did the same for my husband, the father of my own children. Because of them, I have the most wonderful husband and my children have the most wonderful father and I have wonderful in-laws. In my blessings, these are my greatest: my parents, my in-laws, my husband and my children. My children. The gift that keeps on giving. The lights of my life. I hope each of these blessings realize how important they are to me.
And then there are the other blessings - my extended family. Nieces, nephews, sisters and brothers-in law, aunts, uncles, and friends. Each brings light and love into an already full existence. My new job. My co-workers. I have a new co-worker who is going out of her way to help me be successful. I try to thank her so she knows how much I appreciate her help. My new bosses who have made me feel so welcome to the family that is their livelihood.
And as I sit here typing, I look at my garden and I'm thankful for the beauty that is my flowers and herbs. The smell, the taste and the beauty. I watch the water sparkling in the pool and I'm grateful for the blessing of the cool water on my skin on a hot day. I look at my home and I'm grateful for the comfort and beauty that surrounds me. A home filled with love and so much laughter.
And I'm grateful for a God that loves me and listens when I speak. A God that reminds me that I am here to serve and that my job is to bring joy to this little corner of my world. You see, in my younger days, I ruminated on "my purpose in life". I wondered why others ran companies or became famous or did "great" things and I had no real definition of what it was that I was supposed to do. And then one day, through prayer and meditation, I realized that greatness is not the same as fame or fortune. That greatness is living to your own potential. And that my greatness was in being myself and bringing my limitless joy and love to those around me. What a blessing to realize that you are enough. That doing what you love, and loving where you are, is the example you are supposed to set. God whispered to me long ago that I am a healer. No, I do not lay hands on the sick and cure their illnesses, but I am a friend and a mother, a co-worker, a daughter - so many things. And through each of these, I can lend an ear or a hand. I can help to rebuild what has been broken. I can offer a hug. I can relax you through Reiki or through a facial. I can bring you peace through my hands and my heart. What greater blessing is there?
When life is at it's worst, remember to look at your blessings. Look with new eyes. House a mess? You are blessed with stuff. Horrible job? You are blessed with a job and knowing that you want something else. The blessing is in discovering there is something else and having the strength and fortitude to pursue other avenues. An illness? I don't know where this blessing will lie - it is for you to discover.
Just remember to look for the blessings. They are there. Hidden in sorrow. Hidden in overwhelming situations. Right there in the joyful times - out in the open, right there for you to see. Stop and smell the roses. Even that ability is a blessing. Enjoy it, savor it. Keep it in your memory bank for the hard times. Just look for your blessings. They're there. Everywhere. Be thankful for them - all of them. The big and the small.
It's been awhile since my last post. In that time, we've celebrated two major holidays - Mother's Day and Father's Day. Maybe these days were created by the greeting card companies like Hallmark, but to me, they are major. We should honor the mothers and fathers in our lives every day, but life gets in the way. We get busy, we forget to call. At least these holidays make us pause and remember those who've played such major roles in our lives. My mother and father are wonderful and I love them so much. I am so grateful for all they've given me - my very existence, my childhood memories, and love. And there's my in-laws, who did the same for my husband, the father of my own children. Because of them, I have the most wonderful husband and my children have the most wonderful father and I have wonderful in-laws. In my blessings, these are my greatest: my parents, my in-laws, my husband and my children. My children. The gift that keeps on giving. The lights of my life. I hope each of these blessings realize how important they are to me.
And then there are the other blessings - my extended family. Nieces, nephews, sisters and brothers-in law, aunts, uncles, and friends. Each brings light and love into an already full existence. My new job. My co-workers. I have a new co-worker who is going out of her way to help me be successful. I try to thank her so she knows how much I appreciate her help. My new bosses who have made me feel so welcome to the family that is their livelihood.
And as I sit here typing, I look at my garden and I'm thankful for the beauty that is my flowers and herbs. The smell, the taste and the beauty. I watch the water sparkling in the pool and I'm grateful for the blessing of the cool water on my skin on a hot day. I look at my home and I'm grateful for the comfort and beauty that surrounds me. A home filled with love and so much laughter.
And I'm grateful for a God that loves me and listens when I speak. A God that reminds me that I am here to serve and that my job is to bring joy to this little corner of my world. You see, in my younger days, I ruminated on "my purpose in life". I wondered why others ran companies or became famous or did "great" things and I had no real definition of what it was that I was supposed to do. And then one day, through prayer and meditation, I realized that greatness is not the same as fame or fortune. That greatness is living to your own potential. And that my greatness was in being myself and bringing my limitless joy and love to those around me. What a blessing to realize that you are enough. That doing what you love, and loving where you are, is the example you are supposed to set. God whispered to me long ago that I am a healer. No, I do not lay hands on the sick and cure their illnesses, but I am a friend and a mother, a co-worker, a daughter - so many things. And through each of these, I can lend an ear or a hand. I can help to rebuild what has been broken. I can offer a hug. I can relax you through Reiki or through a facial. I can bring you peace through my hands and my heart. What greater blessing is there?
When life is at it's worst, remember to look at your blessings. Look with new eyes. House a mess? You are blessed with stuff. Horrible job? You are blessed with a job and knowing that you want something else. The blessing is in discovering there is something else and having the strength and fortitude to pursue other avenues. An illness? I don't know where this blessing will lie - it is for you to discover.
Just remember to look for the blessings. They are there. Hidden in sorrow. Hidden in overwhelming situations. Right there in the joyful times - out in the open, right there for you to see. Stop and smell the roses. Even that ability is a blessing. Enjoy it, savor it. Keep it in your memory bank for the hard times. Just look for your blessings. They're there. Everywhere. Be thankful for them - all of them. The big and the small.
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