Try to make this life my own....

Yesterday was officially the first day of spring. I think they forgot to send upstate New York the memo. It was cold and snowing. Another storm. Lighter than many we’ve had this year, but a snowstorm just the same. Everywhere you go in our cold city, the question is the same…is this winter ever going to end?

In my frenzy to finish projects related to the house, I hadn’t completed my goal to “walk one mile”. Just one mile. I planned no more, no less. Since I had it as a goal for the day, I knew I had to follow through. I live in an area with no sidewalks, so I decided to go to the local college and walk the track. It was around 7:00pm. Darkness was falling and the wind was blowing. The track was covered with a mixture of snow and ice that crunched under my sneakers as I walked. My plan was only one mile. Four laps. I turned on my iPod and started my journey.

Halfway into the first lap, my cheeks began to burn. My eyes watered. The wind was ruthless, bitter. I felt the cold seep into my bones. I tried to concentrate on the music and putting one foot in front of the other but my mind kept wandering to the fact that I was cold, uncomfortable. I was approaching the exit for the track and struggled with my thoughts. I wanted to stop. The angel on my right shoulder screamed at me. “Don’t stop! You have a goal. Quitting will just put you that much further from the goal. Stopping will mean defeat. Defeat is your enemy. Stopping means giving in to the discomfort – which is why you’re failed so many times in the past.” The devil on my left shoulder said “Stop. Go home. Get warm.” “Give yourself one more round”, my angel said. “One more round and then decide.” I walked past the exit.

 Round two became colder. The light continued to fade. My fingers and ankles were numb. The exit was approaching. Halfway there. Halfway. The devil said “Just stop. No one will know." The angel said “Just finish. Please, just finish the mile. You will know if you quit. YOU will know”. I passed the exit.

Round three – colder still. Less light. But now I knew I would finish. My thoughts became less taunting. I began to think about my goals for the next day. My goals for my life. I began to strategize. I felt my body relax into the walk. The devil on my left shoulder left me and the Angel on my right breathed a sigh of relief.

Round four. I was now in darkness except for the lights that illuminated the parking lot next to the track. One step at a time. I’m so cold. And then it happened. A song came on to the iPod. A song I needed to hear. Thank you Foo Fighters.  

I'm looking to the sky to save me 
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burn out bright 
I'm looking for a complication 
Looking 'cause I'm tired of trying 
Make my way back home when I learn to fly high. 
Make my way back home when I learn to...
 ...fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone 
Try to make this life my own 
Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone 
Try to make this life my own

I finished lap four, excited, happy, energized.  Trying to make this life my own.  Ready to take on the world. Ready to fly.  Excited because despite the storm, I carried on and finished what I set out to do. I thought about how this winter is a metaphor for my life.

The storms come. And sometimes they arrive one after another. They just keep blowing in, leaving me battered and cold. Stinging my cheeks. Making my eyes water. Making me forget that when they pass there will be calm. I just have to remember to keep going. Keep walking. Keep believing that, at the end, there is a spring.

And remember to thank the Angel on my right shoulder…and the Foo Fighters.